Some People Excel at Emotional Intelligence And Some Don't - Which One Are You?

I recently attended an insightful event on emotional intelligence (EQ) which I am happy to share. I found the information quite valuable, and I hope it helps you too.

Did you know that IQ (rational intelligence) can help you in being successful to the extent of 20% in life, while EQ or emotional intelligence plays the remaining 80% part? 

So what is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is a way of recognizing, understanding, and choosing how we think, feel, and act. It shapes our interactions with others and our understanding of ourselves. It defines how and what we learn; it allows us to set priorities; it determines the majority of our daily actions. -J. Freedman

Emotional intelligence is usually broken up into four components:  
Self – Awareness; 
Self – management; 
Social emotional awareness; 
Relationship management.

Today, I will talk about the first component: Self-awareness. 

Self-awareness refers to being conscious of one’s own emotions and their effects. 
If you are emotionally aware, you are the kind of person who can easily senses when you are about to get angry. You can stand apart from your thoughts and feelings and examine them. You always seem to be in control because you understand what is going on inside yourself and what triggers those emotions. 

As part of the session last week, we had the opportunity to take a self-assessment test and the majority in the audience did not score highly in this component. To my surprise (or should I say disappointment...), my score was low. I guess that in itself is evidence of how self Unaware I am☺. 

The good news is that this can change. 

Let me illustrate this with an example. 

Imagine that your supervisor at work tends to drag meetings ‘unnecessarily’ (you think), and to make matters worse he usually shows up late for those meetings (yes, even the ones he called) But rather than confronting him, you choose to keep quiet yet you are always burning with anger inside. Even though you attend those meetings, your mind is shut off and you rarely pay attention. Then one day, you just burst out in rage in a meeting because he has showed up late again. This time you have failed to control yourself. You just stand up and walk out of the room while your colleagues and your supervisor wonder what just happened.  
Your reaction is not understood and your behavior is considered very inappropriate by all who attended the meeting. 
After the meeting some of your colleagues approach you and tell you that your reaction was uncalled for.  This time the supervisor was actually only five minutes late and the meeting took 30 minutes. You feel very embarrassed and you wonder; “what was I thinking’. You can’t quite explain it yourself, let alone to others. 

“Unleash it in the right time and place before you explode at the wrong time and place.”  - Oli Anderson

So how do you avoid being in such a situation? 
By cultivating self-awareness. 

The first step is to practice self reflection. 
Pay closer attention to your emotions and just observe them without judging. Write them down as they happen or later. Others reflect better when taking a walk. You can also reflect during your prayer time.  Find what works best for you. It’s probably better to do it at night, as you reflect on how your day went. 

"What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself." Abraham Maslow

The next step is to seek feedback from others, preferably close friends and relatives. 
Sometimes we are unaware of our own weaknesses, simply because we are too used to them. So we need to hear them from others who observe us. Because our friends and relatives care about us, they may not always be open to criticize us upfront (not taking criticism well, might even be our weakness), so we may have to ask them directly.  As we seek honest feedback about our blind spots, we must be ready to receive it with humility. It is not always easy, if we are not used to it.

“By becoming self-aware, you gain ownership of reality; in becoming real, you become the master of both inner and outer life.” Deepak Chopra

Self awareness helps you to understand yourself better. It doesn’t mean that you will not make mistakes but it gives you the ability to learn from them and correct them. 

“Anyone can be angry--that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way--that is not easy.” Aristotle

I invite you to join me on the journey of self awareness. And if you can, please share your experience in the comments.