If you want to achieve your goals, don't focus on them!

If you are like me, you probably set some goals at the beginning of this year.  Some of you who did are either celebrating or frustrated. As an optimist I am usually celebrating. The reality though is that I am 50/50 in terms of progress.  Needless to say that this is not what I had hoped for.

Hence I decided to find out how to make more progress on my goals.  During my research, I stumbled on many articles and viewpoints. One perspective that struck me was made in a Tedx Talk by Reggies Rivers who said:  if you want to achieve your goals, you should not focus on them.  Watch it here

Reggie makes a great point on how to approach goals. In his view, we should focus on behavior, not goals.  As I listened to his argument, I couldn't help but agree with him.

When it comes to goals, my personal opinion is as Henry David Thoreau said: 

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

Because what we become by achieving our goals is more important than what we get, our behavior is where we should focus our efforts as it stays with us long after the goal has been achieved.  

In this post, I will add one aspect In order to achieve our goals, we should focus on Systems.  

If   WHAT stands for the things we get;  WHY for the person we become, then  HOW stands for the systems we set up.

So what is the difference between goals and systems? 

My personal opinion is that systems are not better than goals but they are a bridge to attain the goals. I believe that goals are essential in providing direction and motivation.  Yet, I have also realized that we are more likely to reach our goals by focusing on systems. When we lack them, we are likely to fail in achieving our goals.  

So how does this work?

Let me illustrate this with two examples. 

Reading two books a month.

If that is your goal, your system could be to read daily for 30 minutes before bed time or 20 pages every day. By the end of the month, you will likely achieve your goal. So far, I have been able to meet this goal but this was not always the case. Like many people I know, I used to be unable to finish a book at the set deadline on a consistent basis. Then I realized I did have time to read feeds and articles on twitter and social media (I still do this probably more than I should J).  For many of us our reading habits are reactive, not proactive. If I find an interesting link on twitter, I will click on it and read it. Rarely do we proactively make time to read a book each day.  Arguably there are great articles on the web, but the quality of good books is better. If you are interested in personal development, it’s probably a better use of your time to read books than merely reading online content.  When I began to focus on the system of daily reading, I achieved my goal.  The quote below says it best. 

Write a book this year

The idea of writing a book can be daunting especially if it is the first book.  In this age of technology, an author can publish his/her work online hence the issue is not so much the publishing process (though I am sure it is not that easy either), but it is the actual discipline of starting and finishing a book.  In fact, I am convinced that because we each have a unique voice, the world stands to gain if we share our stories. However, without a system it is almost impossible to achieve this goal. One such system is writing daily. 

Focusing on writing daily helps in getting content regularly whether this will turn into a book or not. It is easier to write 500 words daily than a 50,000 words novel which is a good minimum average.  As I began this exercise (with ups and downs), I have been able to turn some of the writings into blog posts. It has certainly worked much better than trying to write once a week as I did last year.  Whether this turns into a book or not in the short, the routine will stick.

As the month of February comes to an end, it is a time to check our progress, an opportunity to evaluate where we are advancing and were we are lagging behind. As I said, as an optimist I consider the glass half full but I also know I ought to do better.  What I have learned in this journey so far (still 10 months to go) is if you want to achieve your goals, don’t focus on them. Focus on Systems.  
If you have learned something that has helped you in achieving your goals, please share a comment.  You could also celebrate your achievements, that would be great!

Reaching your goal in three stages

For years, I had wanted to do an MBA.  I had made an attempt some years back; but I had given up one month into the term. While I had good reasons for dropping out of the course, as I reminisce those days, I can frankly say that my will was not as strong as my excuse then. There will always be reasons and I am sure there are valid ones, yet I also believe that if one is committed to achieve a set goal, then circumstances tend to align.

As I remember last Friday, I realized that there was something different that made me finally do the MBA and accomplish it. Let me share the three stages I went through.

1. Decision

The first stage which may sound easy is to make a decision, but it has to be a firm one. It was no longer that I wanted an MBA but that I had to have an MBA.. I decided to make it a number one priority. From that moment, everything else seemed to align. I searched and found what I believe was the right university according to my set criteria.  I did not want to be away from my family for a year or so and based on my online past experience, I thought I would not stick to it. Finally, I chose a program that was in between. I was blessed to find one that was the right fit.  As Ralph Waldo said: 

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”

2. Commitment

The MBA was quite challenging. A combination of circumstances ranging from a transition in my professional life and getting re-accustomed to studying made it more difficult. No matter the challenges I met along the road though, I remained committed but I was also flexible. For instance, I had to take one semester off and postponed it for a later period. As a result I graduated almost a year later than my initial classmates. Nevertheless I remained committed and I excelled. In hindsight that situation and the break worked to my advantage.  I learned the below:

“Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” Tony Robbins

3.  Determination. 

As months passed by facing tough tests and exams, lots of challenges abounded. By then, my determination was not only to complete the MBA but as a parent, I wanted to set an example for my children by aiming for the best performance. I had attended a previous graduation and learned about Delta Mu Delta and was determined to get it.  Faced with working in different countries, juggling between different time zones and looking for exam proctors in foreign cities, it was a challenging endeavor, but I kept the resolve.  Eventually, I reached it!

I love this quote by Ralph Bunche which illustrates it well:

“To make our way, we must have firm resolve, persistence, tenacity. We must gear ourselves to work hard all the way. We can never let up.”

This journey has taught me a great deal. It's been a great teacher. So here is my call:

When you have an idea or a goal in mind, it is likely to remain just an idea if nothing more is done. But once you make a decision to pursue that goal; that you commit to it and you resolve not to settle for anything less, then your chances of success will increase tremendously.  That’s been my experience and I believe it can happen to anyone else. 

 DECIDE. COMMIT. RESOLVE

Why you should not fear the unknown this year

I was recently pondering on the subject of fear and I read an interesting story that has motivated me to face the unknown and not let fear take the best of me.  This story gave me a new perspective. Let me share it with you.

There once was a village that had among its people a very wise old man. The villagers trusted this man to provide them answers to their questions and concerns. One day, a farmer from the village went to the wise man and said in a frantic tone, "Wise man, help me. A horrible thing has happened. My ox has died and I have no animal to help me plow my field! Isn't this the worst thing that could have possibly happened?" 
The wise old man replied, "Maybe so, maybe not." The man hurried back to the village and reported to his neighbors that the wise man had gone mad. Surely this was the worst thing that could have happened. Why couldn't he see this?

The very next day, however, a strong, young horse was seen near the man's farm. Because the man had no ox to rely on, he had the idea to catch the horse to replace his ox - and he did. How joyful the farmer was. Plowing the field had never been easier. He went back to the wise man to apologize. "You were right, wise man. Losing my ox wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. It was a blessing in disguise! I never would have captured my new horse had that not happened. You must agree that this is the best thing that could have happened." The wise man replied once again, "Maybe so, maybe not." Not again, thought the farmer. Surely the wise man had gone mad now.

But, once again, the farmer did not know what was to happen. A few days later the farmer's son was riding the horse and was thrown off. He broke his leg and would not be able to help with the crop. Oh no, thought the man. Now we will starve to death. Once again, the farmer went to the wise man. This time he said, "How did you know that capturing my horse was not a good thing?

You were right again. My son is injured and won't be able to help with the crop. This time I'm sure that this is the worst thing that could have possibly happened. You must agree this time." But, just as he had done before, the wise man calmly looked at the farmer and in a compassionate tone replied once again, "Maybe so, maybe not." Enraged that the wise man could be so ignorant, the farmer stormed back to the village.

The next day troops arrived to take every able-bodied man to the war that had just broken out. The farmer's son was the only young man in the village who didn't have to go. He would live, while the others would surely die.

I found this story very powerful. 

Now, imagine walking into your workplace on a Monday morning. It’s unusually quiet. You notice the gloomy face of the receptionist but you tell yourself; it’s the Monday blues, and besides she never really looks happy .  But as you walk towards your office, you notice that everybody seems down. . What is the matter, you wonder?

Soon enough, you learn that the company you work for is facing challenges and huge layoffs are planned in coming weeks. You knew there were some difficulties but it never occurred to you that your jobs were at stake - maybe, your own job too!

Slowly fear starts creeping in. You see your savings plan vanish. You wonder if you should launch your own business, or whether you need to apply for another job? On the other hand, you may not get laid off, but should you take a chance? What if your position is made redundant?

The fear of the unknown is becoming a reality and you must face it.

I have learned that no matter what we are facing in life, whether it’s financial hurdles, changing a career, starting a relationship or ending one, we tend to know what is good for us but one thing holds us back - a question: What if? 
That is one question we often ask ourselves and before we know it, we hold back our plans until another time… a better time…. then the next time; never really accomplishing anything.

Sometimes we look at our situation and think it is the worst thing that can happen. In the process, we fail to notice the opportunities that change may bring. 

My call to you today is that when you face challenges, remember the wise man’s words: maybe so, maybe not.