Easy steps towards a better self: dealing with disappointment

“There comes a time when you realize that you are on your own. And you just have to suck it up, no whining, no complaining, and no expecting, because in the end disappointment is inevitable."

However much we get disappointed in life, we never seem to get comfortable with that feeling. Yet, as we pursue our goals, we are bound to meet disappointment along the way. 

Perhaps you were unable to get that scholarship, or you failed to get the job you applied for, or your business is not meeting its financial goals etc.  As result, you may be tempted to give up on your goals thinking that if you don’t have expectations, you won’t get disappointed. 

Well, I don’t think that’s the right move. It’s like burying one’s head in the sand. Rather than facing the challenge, we sometimes choose to close our eyes and pretend it didn’t happen. 
The truth is that whether we have expectations or not, we are bound to face disappointments in our life one way or another. 

The question then becomes how do we deal with disappointment while keeping hope alive? I believe that there exist different ways to overcome disappointment. Let me share some simple steps that you might consider: 

Learn from your defeats

One truth, however hard it may sound, is that disappointment and failure build character and patience. 

As it is said in Romans 5:3-4 : " ... we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope."
Disappointments and defeats do teach us to win and lose with grace. 

After a disappointment, it is essential to take time to learn from the experience: 

Ask yourself: 

What can I learn about myself? 
What can I learn about my perspective of the situation? 
What can I learn from all this that will help me approach things differently in the future? 

The temptation might be to forget about the disappointment and move on rather than trying to understand what happened. However this would be a lost opportunity as there is always a lesson to learn and once we learn from it, we actually gain. As Zig Ziglar said; if you learn from defeat you haven't really lost.

Don't shut yourself off; Reach out
It can be tempting to shut out friends and family when we feel vulnerable – which is how we often feel after a disappointment, yet this can have a negative effect. It can seal off healing and hope. Friendships are an important asset in your life. If you have built great friendships, your friends will help you during the tough times. They will give you the strength to endure and hope.
While friends are great, as humans they can sometimes err and let us down. They may even be the reason of our disappointment. In this case you should consider reaching out to the one who would never desert you. There is no one else but God.  The Bible says: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you”. Deuteronomy 31:6

As this verse says, we could consider ‘them’ as the disappointments or challenges we face in our everyday life. As a believer, I am convinced about God’s love and the more we put our trust in His enduring love, the less power disappointment will have to undermine our hopes. 

Focus on ultimate hope

As we face disappointments we tend to get stuck and focus on our current situation, forgetting that this is NOT the end of the story. As a matter of fact, it might just be the beginning of another great story. So we must keep the hope. Hope is the one thing that never disappoints. 

In fact, we should consider disappointment as an opportunity to start over.

No matter what, we must keep the big picture and continue to chase our dreams. After all, smooth seas do not make great sailors. 

Martin Luther King said: 

“we must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."

In other words, disappointment is a reality and it hurts in a given period. Yet, we must always remember to save a bit of our emotions to keep hope alive.